It’s raining in my heart.

It’s overcast, cold, windy, and raining.  Which suits my mood perfectly.  Yesterday we learned of the sudden and tragic death of a young man from Kindersley.  He is Stephen’s age, and they played AA Bantam hockey together.  In fact, he was apparently on his way to North Battleford to try out for the junior team. 

We were stunned.  I mean, it literally stopped us in our tracks.  I immediately and instinctively began gathering my own boys in my mind – where are they, what are they doing, are they safe?  Irrational, I know, but that’s what I did.  I think it’s because deep down I knew that it could have just as easily been one of them.  It could have just as easily been us receiving that awful news.  And what then?

We get so caught up in the small things in our lives, complaining about our little inconveniences and petty irritations.  Yesterday morning, we woke to find that our dog had yet again found another porcupine, and that I would be spending the morning at the vet clinic.  I was annoyed.  Derek and his friend had been up late, and loud, the night before, and left a mess in the kitchen.  I was annoyed.  We can’t always rely on Adam and Stephen for help on the farm.  It’s frustrating. Suddenly, none of that really matters.  Suddenly, my heart just aches for those parents who will no longer have those annoyances and frustrations.  Their lives are forever changed, and the pain must be almost unbearable.  I had trouble sleeping, and woke early with all these thoughts swirling in my mind, but what about them?  I can’t even imagine what they are going through. 

I guess what we take from this is to try to hold sacred each moment, each breath, each touch.  Smile more, laugh more, hug more.  Because what else can you do?  These things are so out of our control. 

So rest in peace, Jeff.  You were quite a kid – friendly, with a quick smile and a twinkle in your eye, always ready for a laugh.  And you loved your hockey, always working hard and giving it your all.  You will be missed.  You touched many lives in your short time here, and my thoughts and prayers go out to all who are grieving right now.

And to all of you who stop here, thanks for letting me vent.  I find this blog quite cathartic, and I’m so grateful that you tolerate my rambling!  Or maybe you don’t – how do I really know how much you read???

Hugs.
Chandra